US marine withdrawn for proselytising in Iraq

A story on the BBC website gives me a good opportunity to direct readers to an excellent New Humanist article from earlier this year.

A US marine based in Falluja has been withdrawn from the area for allegedly distributing coins engraved with evangelising messages in Arabic. According to reports, one side of the coins read "Where will you spend eternity?" while on the reverse was a well known Bible verse: "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16."

The move follows complaints from residents of Falluja, and officially soldiers are forbidden from "proselytising any religion, faith or practices, and our troops are trained on those guidelines before they deploy".

The strength of evangelical Christians in the US military has been an issue for some time and earlier this year in New Humanist David Belden reported on the efforts of Mikey Weinstein, founder of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, to expose and force an end to their influence. It's frightening stuff and I strongly urge you to read it...

God and the US elections

Two pieces via the ever excellent revealer add depth to our cover story about the role of the evangelical voters in the race for the White House. First Jeff Sharlet looks at Hilary Clinton's closet fundamentalism, and second Mollie Hemingway analyses the increasingly Christian language of Barack Obama. Cripes!

Peanut butter disproves evolution

Anyone out there who thinks the theory of evolution might be true may as well just forget it, as it's almost certainly disproved by jars of peanut butter which, if the theory stood up, would occasionally contain new life when you opened them:



Thanks to New Humanist reader Alistair Scott for sending this in. He was convinced it was a gag until he Googled the presenter, Chuck Missler, and found out that he's a well-known evangelist and a former "Branch Chief of the Department of Guided Missiles" in the US military...

What do you REALLY need in church?

Guns, of course. The Christian Coalition in Georgia, USA has expressed its support for a piece of state legislation that would include churches in the places where citizens can legally carry a concealed firearm.

In case you're wondering why anyone would feel the need to make their religious observances while armed to the teeth, the Coalition's leader Jim Beck explained that "many of the state’s megachurches would like the option of using their congregants as an informal security force."

And why not? If you're going to gather thousands of worshippers together in one place, you may as well have them doubling up as a heavily armed paramilitary force.

This story is ultimately just another case of life imitating satire, as back in 1996 classic comedy show Brass Eye reported on the problem of guns in American churches:

Bibleman: Taking the fun out of the superhero genre

May I introduce you to the least inspiring superhero of all time – Bibleman. Watch him "fight injustice with the word of God", tackling the arch villians of Fear, Disrespect, Laziness, Rage and Disobedience. In addition to videos there are also toys and, for any children with particularly cruel parents, a live-action tour.

In this clip, watch Bibleman battle one of his greatest foes – Doubt. Clearly Bible verses are insufficent weapons against the forces of evil, as our hero doubles up with some kind of knock-off lightsabre (does George Lucas know about this?)...



Needless to say, there's already a parody of Bibleman out there courtesy of American sketch show MadTV – take a look at Bibledude.

[Thanks Rob]

Baby Bible Bashers

Last night's Channel 4 documentary Baby Bible Bashers really didn't make for pleasant viewing. It introduced us to three child evangelists and their despicable parents as they pursued their mission to convert the world's sinners.

First up – and arguably the "star" of the show – was seven-year-old Samuel Boutwell from Mississippi, who is forced by his parents to stand on street corners urging sinners to repent. We first meet him as he preaches outside his local abortion clinic and we follow him on a road trip to New York, where he hopes to convert those urban heathens. As his Baptist minister father observes, "more people means more sinners. Fact". Needless to say the people of New York prove somewhat unreceptive to the sight of a child preaching fire and brimstone, and his father comes in for some abuse from passers-by. Unable to understand why the urban populace refuses to repent, Samuel eventually breaks down crying.

In case there was any doubt where this child acquired his religious zeal, an interview with his father informs us that, when he was three, Samuel asked him if he was going to Hell. Mr Boutwell responded by asking him if he had ever "sinned against God". Samuel didn't know the answer, so his father asked "have you ever disobeyed your mother?". Samuel answered in the affirmative, so he was kindly informed that yes, if he didn't mend his ways he would burn in Hell for eternity.

Next we meet nine-year-old Terry Durham from Florida, who became the world's youngest ever minister when he was ordained at the age of six. His grandmother, and his followers, believe he has the power to heal everything from the common cold to cancer, while his father seemed more interested in ensuring he becomes a millionaire on the back of his son's work.

Finally it was off to Rio de Janeiro to be introduced to 12-year-old Ana Carolina Dias. She's been preaching since the age of three, and her father has ensured that she's become a national sensation. "My father is everything to me", she tells us. So much so that he shares a bed with her every night while her mother sleeps in another room.

The whole experience was grimly fascinating and left you feeling nothing but contempt for the parents. The fact that the children themselves all seemed quite sweet made it all the more difficult to watch them have their childhoods systematically stolen from them.

Just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about, I've tracked down a clip of Samuel on YouTube. There are more clips on the Channel 4 website.

Texas Baptists call for more fire and brimstone

For those of you who think American evangelicals already harbour an unhealthy obsession with the fires of Hell, it may come as some surprise to hear that Southern Baptist preachers are being urged to place more emphasis on warning their congregations of the ultimate dangers of sin.

At a three-day "Empower Evangelism" conference Pastor Bob Pearle, president of the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention, urged preachers to up their game in warning sinners of the eternal punishment that awaits them on the other side. Speaking to Reuters, he explained the reasons behind this:

“A lot of times today, it seems that in the modern church you don’t find as much preaching on heaven and hell. [But] the whole thing that we’re about is preparing people for when they stand before God in judgement. There are still many, many Southern Baptists that faithfully preach what the Bible teaches about heaven and hell. But you have a lot of them that are a little hesitant about talking about that, about talking about sin, about talking about judgement.”

If this blog does have any Southern Baptist readers, be warned, your Sunday mornings may be about to become even less cheerful. I'd leave the kids at home if I was you...

Dating advice Christian-style

Here's a little gem that was sent to me by Christina Martin this afternoon – Dating Tips for the Christian Man and Woman. Admittedly it's from the more evangelical, hardcore end of the Christian spectrum, but there's some great stuff in there for us humanists to chuckle at.

To get us started, there's some good news and bad news. You see, for anyone out there seeking love, "the battle rages on in our flesh to remain pure and holy while we are dating". That's the bad news. "The good news is that we have help through the Holy Spirit who guides us and we know that Jesus has overcome the world! We don't have to face the battle alone."

Just in case the Holy Spirit fails to deliver its guidance to you directly, it also seems to have provided it to the good people at ChristianLifeAdvisor.com in the form of some handy tips. In addition to such helpful points as "Brush your teeth" and "Wear deodorant", these include the following:

• "Choose to keep your relationship on a friendship level. The longer you can remain 'just friends', the better your relationship will be if you decide to get married at some point." (So basically don't have a relationship at all?)

• "Don't pray together alone as a couple too early in your relationship. Prayer is so very important in any relationship so please don't misunderstand this point. When you pray with someone of the opposite sex that you care about you begin to build a level of intimacy that can often lead to trouble." (So prayer leads directly to sex, then?)

Next they advise you not to kiss, "at least until you are engaged to be married ... even kissing once you are engaged can be very dangerous". And with good reason (the squeamish should look away now): "When men become sexually aroused a large amount of blood flows to the genitals. If ejaculation does not occur; the build up of blood can become painful. That just can't be a good thing for anyone! Ouch!"

Indeed. So to help deliver you from temptation, they advise you to "include another couple" in your relationship, which almost sounds like an evangelical, sexless version of swinging.

And finally, they advise you to "ask yourself 'what would Jesus do?' and then do it!" In which case don't believe what you read in The Da Vinci Code, presumably.

[Thanks Christina]

So does Jesus love porn stars?

XXXChurch.com, a California-based ministry that aims to discourage people from watching and participating in pornography, has had an order refused for 10,000 Bibles emblazoned with the words "Jesus loves porn stars" after the publisher, the American Bible Society, deemed the words "misleading and inappropriate for the New Testament".

The ministry, which goes under the misleading slogan "#1 Christian Porn Site", hands out Bibles to those attending adult film conventions (they're due in London for one in 2 weeks, apparently) and had hoped the message would remind porn stars that "Jesus loves you regardless of your profession".

Christian childrenswear warns unbelievers they're going to Hell

Richard Dawkins' description of religion as child abuse riled a lot of people, but it'd be hard to view dressing children in this delightful range of clothing as anything else.

Sold on Amazon, the T-shirts carry the slogan "If you miss the Rapture, where in Hell will you go?". They're available in both adult and children's sizes, and there's even a baby grow version for parents who want to indoctrinate tots with the fear of God from the moment they enter the world. Follow the link to take a look for yourself. They're even available in pink.

[Cheers to Christina for that one]

Comedians stop Christian group using their catchphrases to evangelise

Lawyers representing the comedians behind The Catherine Tate Show and Little Britain have forced Christian Publishing and Outreach to withdraw posters that used catchphrases from the two shows. The offending posters featured tiresome, ubiquitous phrases like "Am I bovvered" and "Yeah but no but yeah" alongside Bible quotes, with the aim of attracting youngsters to attend church services. Clearly the comedians didn't appreciate their work being used by evangelical Christians, and the CPO have been forced to take the posters out of circulation.

US generals under fire for evangelising in the line of duty

Seven US military officers, including four generals, have been found guilty of misconduct for appearing in an evangelical video while in uniform three years ago. Members of the US military are banned from seeking converts on active duty, and there is little doubt this was the aim when the seven appeared in a promotional video for Christian Embassy, an outreach group of evangelical body Campus Crusade for Christ.

As CNN's report points out (watch the video at the bottom of the linked-to page), this is particularly embarrassing for America given the fact that it has long been at pains to stress the War on Terror is not a crusade against Islam.

Ruling that the officers were "inappropriately offering support for the religious organisation while appearing to operate within the scope of their official government duties", the Defence Department's Inspector General has recommended that the Air Force and Army take unspecified "corrective action" against the men.