Friday, 14 January 2011

So, about all that stuff we predicted for you...

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Meet Ophiuchus. In the past I was represented, on a celestial level, by a centaur armed with a bow and arrow. I was happy this – it was good to know that, while others had to rely on some fish, or those balancing scales, Sagittarius had my back. That, however, was then. From now on, it would seem, my spiritual fortunes will be represented by a skull with a snake in its mouth. I'd say this is a coup – frankly, I feel like my astrological capabilities have just been upgraded from conventional to nuclear. When Ophiuchus says the alignment of Pluto and Saturn promises a shift in your financial fortunes, you know the alignment of Pluto and Saturn promises a shift in your financial fortunes.

But who, I hear you ask, is Ophiuchus? Well, in addition to being the last snake chomping skull you'll ever see if you take that tone again, what's required here is a little background. Somewhat surprisingly, there is a chance that astrologers may have been wrong in their assertion that there are a mere 12 signs of the zodiac. According to astronomers, who are like astrologers in every way except for the fact that everything they think is different and based on scientific knowledge, the gravitational pull of the moon on the earth means that the planet's alignment with the constellations than it was 3,000 years ago, when the zodiac was first developed by the Babylonians. So there are, in fact, 13 signs, with Ophiuchus the serpent-eating skull stepping in to fill the lucrative 29 November to 17 December gap between Scorpio and Sagittarius.

All of which, some fear, would mean that the predictions previously doled out by the esteemed astrological community carry an increased margin of error. (What's that? It was all bollocks to begin with? Look at Ophiuchus – look at him!) Will the Mystic Megs and Russell Grants of the world be handing out refunds to those who followed their gravitationally-skewed advice? Perhaps not, for as esteemed astrologer Shelley von Strunckel has quickly moved to point out on Twitter, the whole 13-not-12 story is probably just a big mistake:
"re new sign. It's astronomers - scientists - who don't know astrology. The signs fm year's seasons. Always were and still are."
So there you go. Panic over. It's just those bloody scientists failing to understand things again. As you were, people.
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