Monday, 29 November 2010

Happy Christmas (War is Over): don't worry Tiny Tim, this man will save the day

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After ending the War on Christmas, does
the Nobel Prize await Eric Pickles?
It's almost December, and that means there's a war on. A War on Christmas. In fact, as readers of this blog, many of you will be secularists and humanists, and some of you may even be (gasp...) "politically correct". Which means you're the ones waging this War. You know that Christmas tree with the twinkling lights standing proudly in your local town centre? Yes, that one. It's lovely isn't it, and cheers people up on these cold, bitter winter days. So why do you persist in your desire to jump into the cockpit of your heathen F-16 and blow that tree away?

Thankfully, a new hero has risen to end this conflict and bring about peace in our time. His name is Eric Pickles, Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, and he is here to tell us that this War Ends Now. For too long has the boot of secularism stamped on the joys of the nativity, while the clenched fist of political correctness delivered punch after punch to the face of advent. The verdict of history has been passed on those dark times, and 2010 will be remembered as the year the star of Bethlehem was allowed to shine brightly once more. Have no doubt that this is so, for our hero has spoken:
"We should actively celebrate the Christian basis of Christmas, and not allow politically correct Grinches to marginalise Christianity and the importance of the birth of Christ. The War on Christmas is over, and likes of Winterval, Winter Lights and Luminous deserve to be in the dustbin of history.
We live in tough financial times, but there's no need for town halls to play Scrooge. It is councils' financial interests to draw in shoppers to their town centres at Christmas given the benefits of packed car parks to councils' coffers. Shoppers want to see Christmas lights, Christmas trees, Carol Services and nativity scenes, and councils should not hesitate in supporting them." 
Has a more important press release ever been issued from the corridors of government? Christmas has been saved, and don't listen for one moment to those who would have you believe that the War in which we all fought so bravely was a tabloid-constructed exercise in "tedious nonsense".
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