Live fast, vote Christian

Just over a week to go until the election and if you haven't made your mind up yet, forget "Bigot-gate" or the leaders' debates, because we've found the only manifesto you'll be needing next week – the Christian Party's.

Let's take a look through their policies. Of course, it's not all good news. On education, they'd "Ensure that proper balanced teaching and debate occurs in schools around the concepts of ‘Evolution’ and ‘Creation/Design in the universe’" and "Ensure that chastity before marriage and faithfulness within marriage - as the best and safest sexual practice - will be taught as an integral part of any sex education curriculum". And their "Respect for the human person" looks a lot like the anti-Ronseal Woodstain, in that it's designed to do the opposite of what it says on the tin.

But one policy jumps out at us as truly the Christian thing to do. If elected, the Christian Party would increase the motorway speed limit to 90mph. It's what Jesus would have wanted.

Fire up those engines, we're on the highway to Heaven.