Prayers can stop paedophile priests, says Vatican

Catholics worldwide will now be expected to pray "in perpetuity" in order to cleanse the Church of paedophile priests, The Times reports. An instruction sent to bishops by Cardinal Claudio Hummes, head of the Vatican Congregation of the Clergy states, according to The Times, that "every parish or institution should designate a person or group each day to conduct prayers for the Church to rid itself of the scandal of sexual abuse by clergy".

So there you have it. This is obviously going to work, so there's almost certainly no need to worry about this problem any more. Case closed, I'd say.