Monday, 7 January 2008

Dating advice Christian-style

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Here's a little gem that was sent to me by Christina Martin this afternoon – Dating Tips for the Christian Man and Woman. Admittedly it's from the more evangelical, hardcore end of the Christian spectrum, but there's some great stuff in there for us humanists to chuckle at.

To get us started, there's some good news and bad news. You see, for anyone out there seeking love, "the battle rages on in our flesh to remain pure and holy while we are dating". That's the bad news. "The good news is that we have help through the Holy Spirit who guides us and we know that Jesus has overcome the world! We don't have to face the battle alone."

Just in case the Holy Spirit fails to deliver its guidance to you directly, it also seems to have provided it to the good people at ChristianLifeAdvisor.com in the form of some handy tips. In addition to such helpful points as "Brush your teeth" and "Wear deodorant", these include the following:
  • "Choose to keep your relationship on a friendship level. The longer you can remain 'just friends', the better your relationship will be if you decide to get married at some point." (So basically don't have a relationship at all?)
  • "Don't pray together alone as a couple too early in your relationship. Prayer is so very important in any relationship so please don't misunderstand this point. When you pray with someone of the opposite sex that you care about you begin to build a level of intimacy that can often lead to trouble." (So prayer leads directly to sex, then?)
Next they advise you not to kiss, "at least until you are engaged to be married ... even kissing once you are engaged can be very dangerous". And with good reason (the squeamish should look away now): "When men become sexually aroused a large amount of blood flows to the genitals. If ejaculation does not occur; the build up of blood can become painful. That just can't be a good thing for anyone! Ouch!"

Indeed. So to help deliver you from temptation, they advise you to "include another couple" in your relationship, which almost sounds like an evangelical, sexless version of swinging.

And finally, they advise you to "ask yourself 'what would Jesus do?' and then do it!" In which case don't believe what you read in The Da Vinci Code, presumably.

[Thanks Christina]

3 comments:

Benjamin said...

I suppose this is what happens when you ask a celibate man for advice on relationships.

Ian B Gibson said...

But surely it would help to win the battle that rages on in our flesh if we didn't brush our teeth or use deodorant?

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